Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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