she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We have so much sex to catch up on
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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