why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
