Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
