so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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