well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
