I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
