my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
