i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
