When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
