I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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