U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
