i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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