You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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