when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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