He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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