we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
