You can't motorboat a personality
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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