He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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