i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Randomize
