i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Randomize
