Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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