remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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