so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
