$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
