would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
