I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
