On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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