I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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