hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
