stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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