I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
