I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need a beard to bite.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
