im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im holly from the hills drunk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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