plz talk dirty to me
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
