I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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