He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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