i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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