You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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