Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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