Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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