you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
