Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize