So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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