New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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