You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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