I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
