A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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