I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
