Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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