I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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