i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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