god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
