you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
