Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
