This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
