Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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