I think I won the penis lottery.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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