Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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