There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
