Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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