so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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