Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
