My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I believe in your delicious
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
