I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
