I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
