Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
