Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
