i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
