This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just want to make out with him forever
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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