I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize