I love black thongs
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
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