I heard we made out
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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