??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
