dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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